I'm Depressed

There are so many things making me depressed, but writing about them will be more depressing, so I've decided to share my response to depression with all of you as a cathartic experience for me. I'll take whatever cathartic experiences I can get. Usually when I am depressed, my natural inclination is to endlessly rehash the litany of factors making me depressed, carefully disecting each one to determine the worst light prospective. Knowing that this is destructive and prolongs the depression (after numerous and onerous clinical self studies), I try to avoid my natural inclination and seek higher ground. I occupy myself with plans--lots and lots of plans. I plan trips I want to take, projects around the house, things I want to buy, christmas lists, etc., etc. When my depression is rooted in money, i.e., the lack thereof, this endeavor becomes counterproductive and must be abandoned. This is where mindless books and television are so important. I have been blessed (or cursed since I am depressed and physiologically determined to look at things in the worst light) with an excellant memory. I can remember with great detail movies I've seen, tv shows, books, etc. and when my mind needs mindless activity, such as now, I can fall back on reliving something. This morning it is "Clubhouse" a new tv show that was on last night. It was semi-cute and I am reliving meeting this gung-ho youngster who they claim in the show is 16 and old enough to drive--how ridiculous and put him in a Ferrari. His sister is rebellous and talks back to the Mother with regularity and surprising clarity for a "teen"--she looks like she's in her 20's. The entire baseball team of seemingly hardened professional baseball players become mush when the Mother berates them for allowing a 16 year old behind the wheel of a Ferrari. Ok, it's a really good actress playing the Mother, but come on--it's too unbelievable and yet I was so mindlessly happy that she put them in their place and that they showed her the respect that we all secretly want parents who love their children to garner. Unfortunately this show is up against "American Dreams" which has been a mindless nostalgic favorite occupying many, many hours of rehash pleasure, but I'm going to take "Club House" because I like baseball more than the Vietnam war in a mindless sort of way.