Something to Write About

Gee, 401 posts and I've run out of things to say, but wait. What is new at my house? What cries all the time? What comes in two? What is everyone I know always asking me about? What am I always describing as beautiful, when if in fact they are not even close to being pretty? What is beautiful?

The twins, of course. [They can be beautiful without being attractive or even cute, thank goodness.] So whenever I am home and Marisa is home, sooner or later I get a baby to hold. They love to be held. Well at least I think that they love to be held, because if you don't hold them, they scream like bloody murder. Their poor little (teeny, tiny) eyelids get all red--their whole bodies arch in rigid distress. They are pretty young, but they are very good at making Aunt Kathy want to hold them and rock them until her arms and back give out.

My big, deep dark secret [that I told Megan one year when she lamented not knowing any secrets] is that I don't like babies. Never have. Sure, they smell ok right after a bath, but otherwise, pee ewe. I have changed many diapers in my life--I'm that kind of "take charge, not afraid of the dirty work" Aunt, but it doesn't mean I like babies. They are so much work. You can almost never tell why they are crying. There's no talking them into a good mood. You can't turn on a good movie to entertain them. Singing is hit or miss at this really young age (and my throat hurts when I sing anymore, so that's out). Toys don't work yet--it's not like you can read them a good book. At this age, they don't even consistantly like their binky.

So at two and a half months, the twins are still a little bit of a mystery to me. I hold them. I feed them. I change their diapers (although I am more likely to turn them back into their mother when they've made a deposit). I wipe up spit. I jiggle their car seat. I put them over my shoulder and rub their backs and pat their bottoms. I cradle them in my arm and make funny faces at them. Nothing. No smiles. No curious looks. It has got so I'm happy if they are not terrified and I can settle them down to just being a lump.

Then yesterday, I had my first breakthrough. I was holding Matthew. He had just had a bath and wasn't hungry. After I calmed him down (from being extremely put out over the bath thing), his eyes started to droop. He was calm and I laid him down on my bed and he fell asleep. Man, I hated to pick him up again to put him in the bassinet, but I had to get to work. Of course he woke up, but I had him asleep there for a few minutes. Last night I was holding Madilyn--that is a very tiny girl. She has no happy expression on her face in the least. She is always tense. But I fed her and burped her and changed her diaper and then rocked and rocked and rocked. Pretty soon, she was very calm and sleepy. So was I by that time. So I laid her on my shoulder and laid on the sofa. Then I repositioned her so that she was laying on her side on my stomack. She was off in the most peaceful sleep and I was not killing my back or shoulder. I didn't fall asleep, but I was very comfortable for a change. After a while, Caitlyn ran in and she wanted to be up on the sofa too.

I am getting pretty good about juggling--getting Caitlyn what she needs (or any little thing she wants) and holding a baby. Caitlyn's cuteness and adorableness is 700 times that of other children, so she more than makes up for Matt and Madi's lack of cuteness. But gosh, they sure are beautiful--well, when they are sleeping anyway.