A-

Sweet. I had a test in Piano. I was not prepared. I mean I practiced--a lot, well, as much as I could stand anyway--scales and Oh Suzanna are pretty darn boring after a while. Any way, I didn't feel prepared, because I couldn't play the songs perfectly. I know the difference between playing well and just playing the notes in the right order. I could play the notes in the right order, but I definitely do not play well.

So we were having a test. You would think that wouldn't mean much to me--I mean this is a piano class. My salary does not depend on a grade. I do not care if I pass this class (actually, you are only allowed to take the class four times, so if I fail, I might be able to stay five? semi-logical). I do not care if I play as well or more poorly than the other students who I feel I have nothing in common with. But it was a test. I am genetically programed to want to win and win big. A failing grade would never do no matter how inconsequential it would be to my everyday life. I must pass, but more importantly, I must do well, but more importantly, I must succeed.

When Oh Suzanna doesn't come off for me in practice for the umptinth time, I resign myself that I might only get a C or a B if I am lucky. I focus on my strengths--my scales. I have been practicing scales for years and years as that was the last lesson from my piano classes some 25 years ago. I am really good, nay I say, I am excellent at my scales. Well right hand anyway. Left hand is good, but maybe not quite excellent. But in class we must do both scales, both hands together. Not excellent, not even very good. I would have to give myself a fair on my ability to do my scales with both hands together. I practiced and that did help. I am improving. We also have to know chords. Piece of cake. I never learned about chords before--actually pretty interesting. I can do them and the instructor lets us only do the left hand--much easier.

But me, I don't want fair, I want a miracle. I go to class early and practice, practice, practice. There are about 15 people at my level in the class, so I do not volunteer and I (with headphones) mimic each person coming up to do their test. The first person--really excellent. I will not be the star in this class by a long shot--drats. The next person--very good. I am starting to worry that purhaps I should have gone back to piano I. The next person--just fair. Hope starts to spring--at my very best, I can beat that person. Another and another and another. I am starting to hope that my performance will blend nicely into the fair catagory. Of course, I still want the miracle, so I practice and practice and avoid eye contact to delay my test. But it comes.

The key action is rather heavy on the grand piano in class where we will take the test. I go right through the scale trying not to think, but to just rely on finger memory--my fingers are very well practiced and do their job, but the key action is throwing me and some notes do not play evenly. Strike one. Next are the chords--I know this, but I do miss one note. Must be nerves. Finally, I must play Oh Suzanna. Dreading this moment. Go slow I tell myself--hit all the notes--go for form when you don't have substance. All good advice.

It is over before I know it and the instructor is handing me a paper with notes for each section and an A- next to each section. A-!! While I am doing cartwheels in my head, I try not to lose all respect for the instructor who is obviously deaf and doesn't know anything about the piano if she just gave that pitiful performance an A-. I am so ridiculously thrilled at the A- that I diligently start on my next assignment "Camp Town Races." I will never complain about Oh Suzanna again.

P.S. The last part of the class was performances from the workshop students. One played his own composition--fair, nothing to write home about, but he composed it himself. That's something. The next was very good--sweet even. The next was playing Claire de Lune. I love that piece. That piece is the reason I want to play the piano. That piece is my ultimate goal. I am going to learn that piece and play it forever and that is all I will ever need to be able to play on the piano. I am so excited to be able to hear it being played with the music right there. The beginning is beautiful, really, really beautiful. And then, not as well. And then, not very good. As he got further and further into the piece, his playing deteriorated and I realized that is what I'm going to sound like trying to play that piece. Huh. Food for thought. While I learn "Camp Town Races." Doo-da, Doo-da.