Hawaii Trilogy Tragedy, Triumph or Travesty

So I've been a little curious as to why my travel agent has not bothered me for another installment on my Hawaian vacation.  It is in less than two months, but I've only put a small deposit down.  I've never had a travel agent before, though, so I dismissed it.  She has my credit card number.  Their office is next door to mine.  I even gave her free legal advice.  She's a professional.  No worries.

I saw her in the hallway Monday and she said, we have to talk.  Yes we do, I answered--I owe you some money, honey.  I'll come to your office this afternoon, she said.  Why would she need to come to my office?  I still wasn't worried and my curiosity was soon satisfied.  The tour company lost its contract with the airline and my trip has been cancelled.  Do I want to go at a different time?  Am I ok flying overnight?  How about a connecting flight situation?  She will make it work, but the trip I bought was cancelled.

While my mind was trying to process this, without pulling out my ozi, part of me was saying:  This is a good thing, you cannot afford to go to Hawaii.  Another part of me was saying:  This is a good thing, you can probably plan the trip cheaper yourself.  Another part of me was saying:  This is a good thing, you are moving--this is a bad time to take a trip.  But mostly I was screaming inside NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

In order to remain calm, I told myself--don't worry, you are going.  I looked up some places on the internet.  Airfares are pretty high and the times are less than ideal.  I found a condo rental that is half price that week and the rooms look wonderful.  I called to see their availability and I asked the gal about driving to Hilo--she said we do it all the time.  Good to know.  Calm.  I am going.  This is doable.  Ok, it will cost a few hundred more and the flying is going to be awful, but it will be fine.

Except, I don't want to spend the money--I can't seem to make myself click the button to reserve the flight.  I have this whole budget worked out to the penny and there are no pennies left over for Hawaii vacation.  But I have to go on vacation--I have been promising myself for years and years.  Of course, I also promised myself a piano and now I can't give that darn thing away.  [I am having a garage sale this Saturday, so I was going to put the sewing machine that I never use in the sale.  Except that I realized that as soon as I sell it, I'm going to start shopping for a new sewing machine.  Sewing machine, bike (haven't riden since I was in my twenties, but when I don't have one I feel compelled to want one), piano and Hawaii vacation:  these are the defining quirks of my life, but I digress.]

The travel agent is supposed to get back to me, but its' been a week.  I don't know what happens next.