Wonderful World (Chapter Six: Crikey Zoo)

Can you see how turned around that owl's head is?  That's me navigating in Brisbane, Australia.  I thought that driving was bad on the wrong side of the road.  Being a passenger and the navigator was a very close second and sometimes overtook first place.  So Adam picked me up on Monday and he's already driving, so what the hey.  I had looked on my ipad to navigate where we were going, but my international 3G was expired (I think it lasted 10 minutes for $26), so no more directions.  The map however still came up and our gps, little blue dot still came up so, score!  But every once in a while the screen was just a grey grid with no map, so I reached under the seat to look at the big book the car rental guy had given us.  It was completely incomprehensible--even after I put on my glasses.

Anyway, we kind of followed our noses to get out of the City.  Occasionally there were signs for Sunshine Coast, so we followed those.  At one point we were in backed up traffic at a light and suddenly my ipad showed the map and our blue dot was very close to the intersection to turn to get on the main highway going north.  Just as I was telling Adam, this is it, this is our turn, traffic had started and I said, turn right.  Adam started to get in the right hand lane and I yelled, no, no, the other right.  He yelled, that's left.  We were almost at the turn and I said go that way--the Australian right!  That was the point that Adam pointed out to me that Left was left everywhere, even in Australia.  Smartass.  Luckily there was a big green sign saying Sunshine Coast for the left turn and Adam did make the turn, but it was certainly in spite of my directions.

Once we were on the highway, we had a really long drive ahead of us.  The country was lovely.  We started to see billboards for the Australian Zoo.  Adam said, that's what we should do one day while you are here--go to the zoo.  I said let's go today and he said, no, we'd have to go early in the morning.  It's 9:30 a.m.  It is early in the morning.  Ok.  So we took the turn off (lots of very readable signs) for the Zoo and I watched our little blue dot go up the road to the zoo.  It was really cool to see our progress on the ipad map.  And changing our plans to go to the zoo put Adam in a terrific mood--I never would have guessed that he would like the zoo so much.

So, I don't have my fanny pack, no sunscreen, no hat, I'm wearing a sweatshirt on a sunny, beautiful day and we are getting ready to spend the day at the zoo.  And this is a change in plans from spending the whole day at the beach.  What was I thinking?   The first order of business was to buy a hat.  Adam didn't want one. 

After the souvenir store, we came upon a place to line up to feed the elephants. The time was listed at about 10 minutes from the time we were there and there were literally no other people around. The zoo was practically empty. There were more staff than visitors. I didn't want to wait in line and there was a sign for Koala Bears, so we didn't stay. The koala bears were a little stinky, but awfully darn cute.

We walked up from there and saw an alligator.  It looked like a statute.  Never moved at all.  Then we went back to the elephants.  There was now a line a mile long, so we decided not to feed the elephants and I started to be interested in feeding me.  I think my diet coke hour was almost up.
 
We passed more and more alligators or crocodiles or both, but they all looked like statutes--none of them moved.  Much later in the day I finally saw one blink.  The signs said that they are incredible fast and not to take any changes.  No worries--the day I get anywhere near an alligator or crocodile without a big, big fence between us will never happen.
 
So Adam wanted me to pet a Kangaroo.  Really.  Wasn't going to happen. 



"Come on, Kathy, pet a Kangaroo.  You have to.  It's your birthday.  How awesome would that be to pet a Kangaroo on your birthday in Australia."

Adam on the other hand was very happy to pet a kangaroo--to pet many kangaroos.  And we saw baby kangaroos in their mother's pouch.  Their hind legs are more like very large bird talons, so at one point I saw this really disgusting looking long talon hanging out of a Kangaroo's stomach--a scene right out of an alien from outer space movie, only to realize that was the baby Kangaroo's hind leg.  The baby Kangaroo pulled in their leg (large sharp looking talon) into their mother's furry soft looking pouch.  It was something to see.



Finally Adam accepted that I was not going to pet a Kangaroo.  A little later we went through the Aviary.  I had heard that there were wonderfully beautiful parrots in Australia and I couldn't wait to see some awesome birds.  And then I was attacked.  We had just entered the enclosure, when I saw a bird take a nose dive right for me.  I felt the impact and thought that he hit me, but actually he landed on my shoulder and started to peck at me.  Luckily he was pecking at my sweatshirt collar, but I was freaking out and Adam was laughing and laughing.  He said the bird is attacking you because you refused to pet a kangaroo.

After a while it was just too funny.  One little bird against a great big girl.  Finally, a zoo keeper saw me and came over to remove the bird.  He said "Oh, is this little fellow bothering you.  He is just 4 weeks old and he was born with only one eye.  The other birds pick on him, so he tends to attach himself to people."  The guy showed us the cuts on his own hand where the bird had pecked him, so I was pretty glad to be wearing the sweatshirt now.  Another girl (zoo keeper) showed up to take the bird and she had peck marks all over her hand also.  It could have been a lot worse, but I was attacked by a one-eyed bird on my birthday.  How awesome is that!

On the other hand, we did not see any beautiful parrots and I beat my way out of the Aviary, tout suite.  I was already one very tiny bird's prey, so I didn't want to take my changes with the bigger birds and there were lots of bigger birds.

At another bird enclosure, there was one bird behind a large fence who followed Adam's every move.  He really took a shining to him.

Finally, we found the elephant enclosure, but the elephants were out getting fed.  We were kind of hanging out in the shade (did I mention what a bad idea wearing a sweatshirt out in the sun all day was).  Then walking through the park comes the three elephants, trunk to tail in a line back to their enclosure.  They were given really large branches with leaves on them and they were eating them.  It was really cool to see how they maneuvered the branches into their mouths using their trunks.  We stayed there for a while.  It was shady.

At some point we went to the Zoo's version of a food court. It was up stairs, but we did find an elevator (yea!) [excuse me "lift". You can't say elevator in Australia--they look at you funny.]   I was going to go for the pizza, but it had garlic on it. Then I was going to go for some chicken thing, but it looked too odd. I think I finally settled for another bacon and tomato sandwich with "chips" with tomato sauce (actually yummy french fries and ketchup). Again, it was Canadian bacon type and cooked tomato--but this time I was careful NOT to try the tomato.

I ordered a souvenir cup of soda. It was going to be $9, but I figured a large glass of ice and a large souvenir cup--I'm on vacation. When the fellow started filling it with soda, he didn't put any ice in it. Wait, I said, fill it with ice. We don't have any ice, he said. No ice? I said incredibly! No ice, he said matter of factly. I'll have a water. While we were eating, a very large, aggressive bird (who looked a lot like the bird pictured above) was harassing a toddler in a stroller near us. The mother was actually laughing AT the small child and berating him for being afraid of a bird. I tried to remind myself that I was in a foreign country and it was none of my business, but I really wanted to punch that woman in the face. The urge was visceral. I was probably just ice deprived. But I digress.

Any way, between wanting to get into a fist fight, no ice, really warm weather and not so much shade, I couldn't stand the sweatshirt anymore and I had to buy a tee shirt.  I got a really cool one with aboriginal pictures of kangaroos.  Happy birthday to me.  I offered to go see the kangaroos again, but I assured Adam I was not going to pet one, so Adam passed.  We had pretty much seen the zoo and not a minute too soon.  As we made our way toward the exit, we were bombarded with thousands of school children entering the zoo.  Thousands.  I don't think I'm exaggerating at all.  They all wore uniforms.  It was quite a sight.  And then I saw the alligator blink.  I was truly suspicious that they were actual statutes.  We stared at them for a long time and they never moved at all.  Really something to see.

Outside the zoo, there was a coke machine.  A 500 ml of diet coke was $5.50.  Four would make a 2 liter that I am used to paying $1.69 for if it is not on sale.  So that is $22 vs. 1.69  [In all fairness, the little store at the mall charges $2 for the 500 ml size, so it is $5.50 to $2--275 % increase.]  I still wanted to buy it.  It had been an hour since my last one.  I had to break a $20, but then the machine was out.  So, hot (sweatshirt), bothered (wanted to punch crazy mother), lack of ice ($9 for a souvenir cup and no ice--it boggles my mind), lack of diet coke, survivor of a bird attack, really creeped out by the thousands of school children in school uniforms--hmmm, let's add jet lagged, in a foreign country, a foreign hemisphere--I need lots of excuses, because after we left the zoo, Adam looked to me to be the navigator.  Suffice it to say, I was really, really bad at it.

Stay tuned--I manage to get us lost trying to find the ocean--the ocean is pretty big--kind of hard to miss.